Imagine a hulking mass of a human being with a goofy grin, a Mickey Mouse hat, and an ice cream scoop in each hand. He’s got a barrel full of chocolate ice cream on his left and a barrel of strawberry ice cream on his right. You love both flavors, and he’s determined to feed you as much as you can possibly want.
So you sit comfortably in your seat while this guy dishes you a bowl of chocolate, then a bowl of strawberry. Then another bowl of chocolate. Then another strawberry. Then another strawberry just because. And you know what? The ice cream just… keeps… coming. Your only relief came from a dang pandemic, then one day, he tells you he’s got a dozen more barrels on the way.
That’s what Disney is doing right now.
This week we were assaulted/gifted with an avalanche of new Disney content coming up in the next few years, almost entirely revolving around the Star Wars and Marvel universes. Strawberry and chocolate ice cream.
It’s not as though we’ve had a shortage in that kind of content in recent years either–we’ve been fed a lot of bowls lately. Since 2015, we’ve seen a new Star Wars film every year, aside from licensed video games and TV spinoffs. Since 2008, we’ve seen at least one Marvel movie every year, but more commonly two or three.
What Disney is doing isn’t hard to understand from a marketing standpoint. Their Marvel and Star Wars franchises are incredibly lucrative. Even some of the less-popular Marvel and Star Wars films can make $1 billion worldwide without really breaking a sweat. A Marvel or Star Wars film will be seen because of the massive universes they’re tied to. Fans will feel like they need to see these movies to keep up with the overarching stories. It’s an automatic win.
But guys… I’m full.
I love Star Wars and Marvel as much as the next nerd, but I’m tired. I want to see something new. Give us some fresh ideas. I mean, Disney is worth a gazillion dollars… don’t they have the wiggle room to try some new ideas and take some risks? Push themselves? Flex their creative muscles in a way that stretches outside of the universes they’ve already built decades ago?
To help with this process, I’m providing a short list of creative prompts that Disney can have their screenwriters tackle.
- A story about a peach struggling to accept its existence as a “butt fruit” while other fruits and vegetables make fun of it. Its only friend is an eggplant.
- A female trombone player breaking through the glass ceiling of pretentious band nerds that try to suppress her talent and ambition.
- We’ve seen Hamlet with lions. Now do King Henry V with salamanders.
- Imagine if dirt had feelings. Write about it.
- A class war between baguettes and sliced bread. But those Christmas tree Little Debbie cakes have to make an appearance somehow.
- A guy named Kyle trying to give up a life of Monster energy drinks and punching drywall. Must include Three Doors Down as a musical guest.
- A Burt Macklin and Michael Scarn crossover (I don’t care that you don’t own these properties, just DO IT!)
- Jack White biopic.
The bad news is that Disney will probably never see these brilliant prompts, so they’ll probably continue on their decreed course until they’ve taken over the world with mouse ears and musical numbers. Well, at least we’ve got Taika Waititi working on his own Star Wars film and another Thor. Can’t wait for those.
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